Annotated MOO Log of a Student-Teacher Conference
|StacyK has disconnected.
The housekeeper arrives to remove StacyK.
Joel says, "howdy Chris. thanks for waiting for us to finish. :)"
Joel rolls out of the bean bag chair and a few beans fly around.
chris says, "no problem"
|chris asks, "Are you tired of these conferences yet?"
Joel has only gotten through about half the conferences so far. This is my second of 7 in a row today
Joel exclaims, "But I love you guys so much, I would conference for another 3 weeks if we had time!"
chris says, "Once this is over we all get a much needed break though, that should keep you going"
chris says, "that's true dedication, I like that"
Joel says, "thanks. :)"
Joel wonders if you care for a cuppa coffee or anything
Joel pours a hot cup of Swiss Mocha Almond coffee, stirs, and enjoys.
Joel says, "just type: pour coffee if you'd like a cup."
|chris says, "I thought this
paper flowed the best for me once I started writing it, I enjoyed writing
Joel needs to get a bottled water jug in here or something
chris says, "no thanks"
Joel says, "cool."
Joel asks, "wanna have a seat?"
Joel slinkers down for a comfortable spell on the extra long sofa.
chris says, "sure"
chris lays back on the Orange Recliner that Joel used often as a bachelor.
Joel says, "let me tell you something funny, Chris"
chris says, "go for it"
Joel says, "All of the chairs and things in this room are designed after real things in real life. It was a big fight, convincing my wife to let me keep my real orange recliner when we got married, but I still have it at home, here in my office."
Joel says, "and as it turns out, I'm sitting in it right now. So, wierdly, you're in the virtual version of the recliner, and I'm in the physical one."
Joel says, "kinda wierd."
chris says, "so all of the furniture is based on real life, that's funny, I bet that recliner is real attractive. There are some things in life that you can't let go"
chris says, "that's ironic"
Joel thinks the BallState Writer Workshop is like a virtual Recreation Center. I wonder if the kids of Fishers could hang out here and stay out of trouble.
Joel says, "jokin'."
|The paper was enjoyable to write, it really touched home!|
|chris says, "that would be
a task, I wish you could see our Junior High, it's turning into"
chris says, "sorry, I meant to say that our Junior high is turning into a version of south central or something,all the kids think they're little gangsters."
Joel says, "wow. That is crazy."
Joel asks, "why do kids think they have to be this way? You think it's because they don't have anywhere to go?"
Joel asks, "nowhere to go and do productive or at least legal things and learn to respect normal activities (as opposed to ganster-like activities)?"
|explaining what happens to the fastest growing town in Indiana|
|chris says, "Fishers is growing so fast,( I believe it's one of the fastest growing towns in the U.S., and kids are just running out of positive things to do. It's starting to get like any other good size city, you have your good parts and your bad ones as well."||This is where I got the idea for my paper.|
|Joel says, "yes. Right. And in order to really deal with the growing numbers of kids, the city is really going to have to realize, or admit to themselves, that they're gonna have to offer the kids some positive alternatives."||good point|
|chris says, "Kid's in Fishers
also have money. Alot of them are spoiled and think that theycan abuse
authority because they have this money. If they had somewhere to go like
a rec center, they could do constructive things like play basketball, more
or less they will be around there same age group, it will help to build
Joel says, "In Little Rock, Arkansas, where I'm from, gangs started entering the city about 15 years ago. But the officials and everyone pretended it wasn't happening, ignoring it, not admiting the problem, and they didn't do anything about it. Consequently, 10-15 years later, it has such a huge gang problem that it really is too late."
chris says, "positive image for youths"
Joel says, "yes. it sounds like you really have a good argument here, Chris. And I must tell you, the draft you gave me today is really strong. You make some very good points here."
|Once again, another problem with too much growth and money.|
|chris says, "Our town has
potential to be another Little Rock, it's on the North side of Indianapolis
and as Indy expands towards Fishers, heavy gang activity might follow."
Joel asks, "I notice that you open with addressing this issue to the town council. That's a great idea; a lot of the folks in our class did *not* start with an audience in mind, and it was hard for them to know even how to start as a result. Do you feel like getting your audience in mind first helped your paper "flow", as you say?"
|that is very predictable if crime continues.|
|chris says, "I thought it
helped alot. Since I've grown up in the town I've seen all thesenegative
activities unfold in front of me. By going to the town council, it isieasy
to tell them the problem because they regulate what goes on."
Joel says, "yes. right."
Joel asks, "Now, I get a strong sense that what you're proposing here, what you want to happen, is the building of the rec center. that'd be your proposal, yes?"
|our town council is very active. this letter will help.|
|chris says, "I was able to
make it a letter and paper all in one if you know what I mean. I stated
the facts, but at the same time I gave my proposal."
chris says, "Yes, a place where kids could be on bball teams, or have a summer baseball program, all of the activities that build good relationships between youths."
Joel says, "good. I'm with you. Let me just caution you, then, about one very minor point. Near the end of the first paragraph, you write that "law enforcement must be implemented. I think there is a solution that will help to lessen thes problems among our youths..." It almost sounds here like your proposal is simply that law enforcement should be hieghtened."
Joel says, "I would just be careful here that you're saying that law enforcement will have to get tougher, but that that's not your proposal; your proposal is coming soon."
Joel says, "just for clarity's sake."
chris says, "I should have made it clearer that because of this trouble, law enforcement"
chris says, "sorry, law enforcement has had to be implemented due to this increase in trouble"
chris says, "I think we have enough cops already, you see one about every five feet"
Joel says, "yes...but that you have a solution that would take care of a lot of the growing troubles...that solution is the center."
chris says, "That's what I believe"
Joel says, "yes. good. so your point isn';t that we should have more cops, it's that we need somewhere to teach these kids respect and fun and life outside of crime...like the center."
Joel says, "good."
Joel says, "now, let me direct you to the second page of your paper."
Joel says, "I wanna talk briefly about the argument paragraph and the refutation paragraph."
chris says, "I've thought that the town needed something like this when I was growing up"
Joel says, "I'm gonna say the same thing, really, about both of them. But let me start with the refutation."
Joel says, "when you look at the refutation paragraph, you really have 3 different things going on here; really, it's 3 different refutations: one refuting that it'll cost too much, one refuting that there isnt the space, and one that it won't help."
Joel says, "now, you have found probably the three biggest arguements against this center; that is, you've done a perfect job finding the items of the refutation you need to use."
Joel says, "however, it almost seems like you'd want to take careful time with each of these itmes. It almost seems like you'd want each of these items to be their own paragraph."
chris asks, "what should I do now?"
Joel says, "they just move so quickly, that you can't really discuss any one of them in detail. (I would wind up writing "SLOW DOWN" on your paper, knowing me.)"
Joel says, "what I'd suggest is taking one at a time. You could do something like this for each one:"
chris asks, "should I take just one, per say the taxes part and elaborate alot on that?"
|this part of the paper helped me write. It's a positive feeling to know what you write in a letter may help out.|
Some of the committee memebers might think that it would cost too much money and cause a lift in taxes to build such a Community Center. And you are certainly right, building a Rec center in Fisher's would take tax money, and possibly even a small raise in taxes. But I would argue that the center will ultimately save our community money, as well as reducing crime in our community. Because of the positive effect on our children's lives, it will help them grow to be successful citizens, and thus help them add to our community in a postivie way. Further, our city will not grow to be known as a crime-infested town, and thus, business won't be driven away by our bad reputation.....
Joel says, "this is just a sample of what you could do here in a refutation paragraph, Chris."
Joel says, "and I'd suggest that you do this for each one of your three refuting ideas. But in order to do this, you'll have to slow down and break each one into its own paragraph."
Joel says, "you're not limited to only one refutation paragraph...you can have as many as necessary."
Joel asks, "know what I mean?"
|chris says, "That looks really
good, that's a big help I think I'm good to go as far as the basis of my
Joel says, "good."
chris says, "I think I will do that all three of those points."
Joel says, "Let me say the same thing about the argument paragraph, too, Chris. You do a lot of good things in there, talking about the state of crime, and how the center could help build a better relationship between the youth and the community. But you could separate each of your arguments into different pargraphs, slow it down some, and really build your case."
Joel says, "One paragraph might show how the rec center would give the kids something else to do rather than crimes; one might show how the center will build rapport between the young people and the rest of the community; etc."
Joel says, "speaking of this, you could actually build some of those ol' syllogisms into these arguments if you wanted to."
chris says, "Yes, I think that would be a good idea as well. I'll separate both of those and talk about them. I could state some good examples from my town."
Joel says, "it sounds like you actually have that kind of logic here already. you think you could come up with a syllogism right now for one of those arguments? Remember, the syllogism structure goes something like this (this is just a silly little example): Any furniture that is comfortable and functional should be kept and not thrown away. My orange recliner is comfortable and functional. We should keep my orange recliner and not throw it out."
Joel says, "see if you can come up with a syllogism now for one of your arguments. I will try too."
chris says, "Kids in Fishers are known to commit crimes. Police don't like people who commit crimes. Police don't like kids in Fishers. Therefore there isn't a good relationship between cops and kids."
Joel says, "Here's my attempt: Any alternative to committing crimes should be offered to kids. The recreation center is a huge alternative to committing crimes. The community center should be offered to our kids."
Joel says, "hi mindy. We"
mindy says, "hi"
Joel says, "We'll be done in just a second, okay:)"
chris says, "That sounds really good, I think I'll use that basis if it's alright."
Joel asks, "sounds good, Chris. That's fine. And you'll wanna use your own for any other argumentative paragraphs to. sound good?"
chris says, "Yep, I'm ready to finish it off."
Joel says, "Listen, Chris, you really sound like you're rolling with this paper. Nice work, and I'm ready to read the next version."
Joel asks, "I'll have the log of this conference in my office by 9 am tomorrow morning. Could you come by and pick it up some time tomorrow?"
chris says, "Alright then, I'll have it ready by Wednesday."
chris says, "That's fine, I'll stop by before my 9:45 exam"
Joel asks, "I'd like you to get the conference, read through it, and write in the margins, as usual, noting anything that strikes you or that you learned while online. cool?"
Joel says, "cool. I'll see you tomorrow morning then."
Joel says, "thanks pal. excellent job so far on this writing. :)"
chris says, "Cool, take it easy, Joel"
Joel says, "see ya."
chris says, "same to you"
|here I realized that I should slow down and really state my case, especially for a paper like this.|