(“Insatiable Toad” by Blue Dot Sessions begins to play: an instrumental song with xylophone and banjo. It has an ambulatory tempo.)
Male Voice (conversational in tone)
I was out at some restaurant, I don’t remember which one, and I was with some friends of mine,
sitting in a booth, and I looked down from me and I saw this woman.
and she was sort of slyly looking back at me and smiling,
and in my drunken state, I was like, “alright, here we go,” you know?
She actually came over to that booth I was in. She was like, kind of bold, you know?
And she had this sexy “I’ve got a secret, I’ve got a plan for you” kind of thing going on.
We probably talked and stuff. I don’t really remember.
I kind of got to know her the next day, more so, because I did go home with her,
And the next day we were completely hung over and we ended up spending the whole day in bed,
Literally until six o’clock at night.
She was a law student. Her mother was a lawyer.
I think she just did what I did and was like, “I’ve got to go to school for something.”
And she decided to do that.
And the thing about Sofia was that she was really sweet and charming.
I felt like I was in on something because I don’t think she was like that with most people.
When she was around other people, she was really condescending.
And she had this, “I’m a rich girl and you’re not as good as me” attitude.
(“Insatiable Toad” ends with a final note from the xylophone)
I remember she didn’t have a very good relationship with her mother.
(“Then a Gambling Problem” by Blue Dot Sessions begins to play: an inquisitive, Andante, instrumental song with piano and Rhodes keyboard)
Her mom would get angry whenever something good would happen is Sofia’s life.
When she graduated, It was a big deal for her, and I came over and she was on the phone with her mom,
And she was in tears because her mom wasn’t celebrating the fact that she had graduated,
And she was crying… and I think I reached out to her and touched her emotionally.
And I needed that role. I really looked for that roll as the person who can reassure people.
And I got to do that with her.
So, we continued to date, and we were basically like drinking buddies, you know?
But we’d do little relationship kind of stuff, like she’d make dinner or we’d go skiing.
We’d go to formal functions for school together, which was fun.
I got to do all that stuff that, if I were just on my own, I’d never get to do.
I would never be like, “Hey, Let’s go skiing!”
We were out one night and I invited my cousin and some of her friends to come out with us and meet her.
And we were at this bar, and right away I could tell that my cousin and her friends just thought she was the most awful person ever. Because like I said, she was just really condescending.
The tap was broken at the bar, so nobody could get any beer.
And everybody at the bar was joking around about how much it sucked and so on,
But she was really rude to the bartender, demanding free drinks because she had to wait.
(“Then a Gambling Problem” fades out)
And I was so embarrassed by it… so I broke up with her right in that bar.
I said, “I don’t want to be around… I don’t want to be with somebody who treats other people like that.”
(“Rain Down and Fall Away” by adcBicycle fades in: a very slow, airy, Adagio song with a sustained synth drone and occasional twangs of a guitar)
So when she was gone, I was like, “well I’m glad I don’t have to be embarrassed anymore.”
But she would call me every Friday.
Every Friday night, around 2 a.m. when the bars let out, she would be really, really drunk.
She’d want me to come over, and I would say, “no.” And then she’d say she was going to get in her car and drive home.
And of course I was out drinking, so I was up at 2 a.m.
And then one night, I was walking home from a bar,
I was crossing the street, I was really drunk,
Everything went black, I don’t… didn’t know what happened,
And I woke up the next day and I was in the hospital.
And my left leg was completely shattered. My tibia and fibia (sic) were shattered.
And somebody had told me that I had gotten hit by a car.
And the person drove away, so it was a hit and run.
I just started crying.
The next few days I was basically just learning how to walk again.
It was painful and awful and, like, horrifying and I couldn’t walk up the stairs. I couldn’t walk up one step.
And I would be in physical therapy for like six months after that.
(“Rain Down and Fall Away” fades out very gradually)
So anyway, I got out of the hospital. I was at my sister’s house. Nobody knew who hit me with their car. there was a detective on my case but he had no leads.
(“Lull” by Blue Dot Sessions begins to play: a very slow, sorrowful song played on a Rhodes keyboard and occasional banjo)
So I did all this stuff, like I started this Facebook group because I wanted to hire a private detective.
So I was raising money on Facebook and people were sending me checks and stuff.
But then, one morning, I was staying at my… uh, sister’s house just sleeping on the couch, recovering.
I wasn’t really moving around much.
My cell phone rang.
I answered it and it was the detective on my case.
So I answered it and he was like, “I’ve got good news. I think we found the person who hit you with their car.”
And he said, “but I think you might know the person.”
He said, “do you know a Sofia *bleep*?”
And sure enough, she was the one who hit me with the car.
For all she knew I was dead (small pause), and she drove off. (longer pause) And she’s a lawyer! She was studying law.
(“Lull” fades out)
So she came up with this bullshit report, where she was like, “I didn’t know I hit somebody. I thought something fell out of the car in front of me.”
(“FasterFasterBrighter” by Blue Dot Sessions beings: a nostalgic song at a quickened pace played with an upright bass and a Rhodes keyboard.)
And then this whole long process with her insurance company, where they kept putting off paying for my medical bills when obviously she was at fault, it dragged out for months and months and months.
Finally they came through. I had all my medical bills paid. I had a nice windfall. I got a bunch of money.
I’ve not spoken to her, I have not had any real desire to speak with her,
Although when I was still dealing with the trauma I had fantasies about running into her,
And her just pouring herself out to me and me just being like, “I’m fine, you know…
…you should just live with what you did.”
But I think we were still connected on Facebook.
Look, this is the age of Facebook! Where somebody can nearly kill you, and you, like, can see their wedding photos. You know?
And that’s what happened. I could, like, see her wedding photos. I’d just look at this guy she was marrying and I was like, “you poor bastard.”
I haven’t really looked back.
I don’t think about it.
Um… I really learned to discover myself and listen to myself and take pride in what I do.
And take pride in myself.
And not seek out these people who fulfill my… desires, you know?
These feelings like, “I can only be validated through sex.” “I can only be validated by other people depending on me.”
And that’s how it was with Sofia.
We had certain needs based on our lack of personal value, and we fulfilled them.
Ultimately, I think they were shallow, and they didn’t really hold up, at least for me.
I’ll never really know for her.
I mean, I know she called me every Friday night, drunk. I think she was desperate for something…
Something I gave her. But I know that I’m better off.
And now I’m married and I have a beautiful, soon to be five-year-old, son.
I’ve got a job that I love. I love what I do. I feel good about myself every day.
I love waking up every morning. Plenty of times I didn’t want to do that!
Drunk, or not!
Every day at work I was hiding at my desk. Every night I was just getting wasted so I wouldn’t have to face anything,
and seeking out people like Sofia.
(“FasterFasterBrighter” ends after a 40 second keyboard solo.)