Melissa Kirkwood

Argument Rough Draft

ENG 103

Sex in the Aged

Sex is a wonderful experience that two people can share. Unfortunately, when we think about two people having sex, they are usually young, full of energy, and healthy. There are those of us who find it difficult to imagine a couple having sex who are, maybe, in their 60's or 70's with any number of ailments. There have been countless myths incorporated in society that have made it difficult for some of us to believe that people after 50 years of ago actually have sex. I would like to correct this myth, because I believe that there are many aged people who continue to have very healthy sex lives "AGED" AFTER 50! HOW ABOUT "OLDER"...PLEASE?]. There are some obvious adjustments that will have to be made throughout the course of the aging process. The adjustments that I will be discussing are as follows: sexual aging in men, sexual aging in women, and the changes in sexual interaction. I will begin with sexual aging in men.

One of the first experiences a man has is the softening of the penis when erect. The penis is not as hard, when erect, as it used to be. Also, the man can not keep his erection as long as he used to either. Another circumstance is that men progressively need more stimulation, whether by self-stimulation or manual stimulation from a partner, to have an erection. These three factors alone can destroy a man's sexual self-confidence. I believe the reason these three experiences are so devastating is because of male stereotypes. One stereotype in particular is that men are taught that they should always be ready and willing to have sex when it is available to them. They are brought up hearing this and, then, when they can't always be "ready" when they want to, this will tend to make them frustrated. The frustration that comes along with this does not help him to have an erection any faster, but it could very possibly hinder the process even more. If the two sexual partners have open communication where they feel comfortable about talking about sexual issues that deal with them directly, then the man should explain to his partner what he is feeling and how the partner could help him. As mentioned above, the partner could manually stimulate the man by either using his/her hand or oral stimulation to help the man become erect.

Women have very different experiences with sex as they get older. The main aspect deals with an event called menopause. This is where the woman's reproductive organs no longer function. This process can occur from 35 years of age to 50 years. Some women handle this process very well, but others do not. I believe that the way some women handle going through menopause has to do with some of the stereotypes of women and sex. One stereotype that could come from a woman's religious beliefs deals with women having sex only for reproductive purposes. For those women who believe this stereotype, menopause is extremely overwhelming. If they are not capable of bearing children anymore, those women may believe that menopause marks the day their sex lives end. For those women who do not believe this stereotype, they will get through their symptoms and continue to have healthy sex lives. The essential ingredient in both circumstances is the same as the man's crucial ingredient. If they have an open relationship where both partners feel comfortable enough to talk to each other about sexual topics concerning themselves, then they can help each other through these situations.

Finally, I will discuss some of the changes in sexual interactions of older people. Most older people comment on how sex used to be orgasm-oriented when they were younger, but, now, sex seems to deal more with the senses. Closeness becomes very important. The senses are used more readily, in that, older people tend to use different techniques to feel good. There is more touching, longer kissing, more reminiscing, more manual stimulation. They tend to enjoy sex more because they are enjoying everything about it. They aren't just limiting themselves to their own personal orgasm or sexual experience. They find other ways to feel good together. This takes more mental and emotional work than they were used to doing when they were younger.

To recapitulate, I discussed sexual aging in men and women and some of the changes in sexual interaction that come with aging. I explained that one of the most crucial factors in getting through all three of these instances is to have open communication with your partner. I would like to say that there are some aged people who prefer not to have sex when they get older, and that it is healthy just as long as that is what they want. They could prefer not to have sex for a couple of different reasons. The most frequent reason is that their partner died, and they feel that no one else could replace them. That is their choice, and they are happy with it. One last comment that I would like to make is that sex is an incredible experience for those of all ages, so enjoy it to the fullest. It can only get better.