Project 4: Argumentation Rough Draft
Prayer Should be Allowed in School [I'M ASSUMING YOU MEAN PUBLIC SCHOOL, BUT BETTER BE CLEAR AND EXPLICIT IN ARGUMENTATION]
There are those who will understandably take an immediate defensive position against the suggestion of prayer in school. This defense mechanism is based on [RESISTANCE TO] being forced to accept something that may not be desirable to the individual. School prayer has caused many conflicts and controversies between church groups and those representing the rights of individuals. There are several positions that can be taken in the movement to disallow prayer in school. They are, [YOU NEED THREE PARALLEL CLAUSES TO FOLLOW HERE, ALL BEGINNING WITH "THAT.."] the separation of church and state, the argument that if one religion has a right to express itself then every group should be given the same right, and that it violates the civil rights of those who do not want to participate. Let me define what my perception of prayer in school would be. It would be a scheduled quiet time for those who choose to pray, meditate of [X] just clear their minds. It would not target any particular religious group. [This policy would also allow a speaker during school activities to say a prayer if [theyTHE SPEAKER?] chose to do so. It would not mandate that anyone else participate but would be available if they wanted to. [THIS LAST SENTENCE SEEMS TO CONTRADICT THE PREVIOUS ONE; IF A SCHOOL ACTIVITY IS MANDATORY, THEN LISTENING TO A PRAYER DURING THIS ACTIVITY IS MANDATORY, TOO; CAN WE TELL PEOPLE TO "NOT LISTEN"? I DON'T THINK SO] The heart of this debate centers around what rights an individual has in comparison to the aspect of society as a whole. [GOOD POINT AND WELL TAKEN] The rights of the individual seem to have become more important than what is good for society in this particular issue. Let's weigh the positives and negatives of this debate. I do not know of any instances where prayer has caused problems by creating disturbances, lowered moral values or created a negative impact on social standards. The instances of anti prayer complaints that I am familiar with have never come from a group but from an individual. Prayer, meditation or quiet time [hasVERB] many positive aspects in the development of mental and spiritual health. [ANY BRIEF EXAMPLES OF THESE?] There are those who would say that they do not have to be subject to this policy of prayer. I could also argue that people should not be subject to the Star Spangled Banner at the beginning of a sporting event or that the lunch room does not cater to vegetarians. It all boils down to the ability of every individual to show tolerance for others beliefs and to see the big picture rather than only be concerned with [their self. OOPS NEED DIFFERENT PRONOUN EXPRESSION; NO SUCH PHRASE AS "THEIR SELF"] To make my point about what is good for society may not always satisfy every individual, let's take public smoking for example. If one person said "I have the right to smoke where ever I want" would society allow it, in order to protect this individuals rights? Of course not. It is better for the physical health of society if these individuals do not smoke around those who do not want to be subjected to the smoke. How about seat belt laws? Everyone may not want to wear a seat belt but the law says we must or pay the consequences. Why is this a law? It is better for society if fewer people are killed or maimed on the nations highways. Although both of these examples deal with physical health, the same can be true for mental and spiritual health. Communities today are realizing moral decay, violence, poverty and children without role models. I cannot comprehend me[X] how having a prayer in school would be a negative aspect to this society which is in desperate need of positive reinforcement. [NICE SERIES OF EXAMPLES; WITH "SCHOOL PRAYER AS AN ANTIDOTE TO MORAL DECAY," THERE IS A PARALLEL TO THE PHYSICAL DANGERS WE ACT COMMUNALLY AGAINST. THE PROBLEM IS THAT THE EFFECTIVENESS OF A SHORT QUIET TIME IN ARRESTING SOCIAL DECAY IS QUESTIONABLE, WHEREAS THE EFFECTIVENESS OF SEATBELTS TO ACHIEVE THEIR ENDS IS UNQUESTIONED. TO KEEP YOUR ARGUMENT STRONG, YOU HAVE TO SHOW OR AT LEAST SUGGEST SOMEHOW HOW YOUR KIND OF PRAYER CAN HELP AGAINST MORAL SOCIAL ILLS.] I am not a religious eccentric, and I respect the views and beliefs of others. History has given us examples to follow in maintaining society. Religion has not caused the problems we face today, [however "BUT" IS STRONGER HERE] the lack of belief in some set of standards has helped to create the position we find ourselves in. Prayer is not a bad thing and does not create bad things. [MAYBE YOU NEED TO STRESS THE GOOD THINGS THAT SCHOOL PRAYER CAN BE EXPCECTED TO LEAD TO] We should give our students every opportunity to be a better person at school at home or wherever they may be.
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Comments on Argument Draft
Your draft on argument paper has a great start by stating your main claim "Prayer, meditation, or quiet time has many positive aspects in the development of mental and spiritual health" in paragraph three. Also, It is important that you have stated your opponents' views in the firts paragraph, which allows you readers to see what opposing side your argument is against. In paragraph two, you have given a fine definition of your argument--a schduled quiet time for those who choose to pray, meditate, or clear their minds. Good job! For revision, I would place my own claim at the beginning as well as at the end (which you have done)of the essay for emphasis. Plus, I would expand those positive aspects of prayer in school with examples and details to make my audience take my side.
Thanks
Xiao
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This is a strong piece of rhetoric--you're in good shape to revise for the final version. I agree with what Xiao has said above, except about your definition, which I think could be clarified somewhat as per my comments above. Your style has a few grammar and usage errors, but is generally serious, accurate, and commanding respect with its calm voice of reason and its even tone. I really don't come down on the same side as you do on prayer in public school, however. Although you mention the church-state separation issue in your intro., you don't really deal with it in your essay. In my view, that is a Constitutional issue, not one predicated on expanded rights of the individual. So, in order to make your argument airtight, you may need to think of a way to meet that objection.
WN